I always say that in order to live the life you want, you have to put in EFFORT. Anything is possible, but nothing is possible without hard work and sacrifices. The same is true in relationships…The secret to a healthy relationship is to consistently put in the work with each other…That means communication, and sometimes, it means a FIGHT.
You've probably heard that before, that the closest couples are the ones who actually do fight, because it means that they're not bottling anything up. They're saying what's on their mind.
And that's true…to a point. The reason relationships are such hard work is that you have to mix that STRONG EMOTIONAL IMPULSE with an equal, logical desire to understand the other person and keep a cool head.
So relationships take a lot of effort because the PASSIONATE EMOTION and strong feelings have to be there…But you have to be able to rein them in too.
How the heck is that even possible – always being open with one another, no matter what, but also trying your best to not have it lead to a fight?
The answer is…both people have to be good communicators!
But today I'm going to tell you some things you may not know about how to be a good communicator. Obviously you already know the basics, like, listen to the other person, or, use "I statements" instead of "you statements" so that the person doesn't feel attacked.
But the REAL secret to communicating well with your spouse is to actively practice as much empathy as possible. Imagine you are them, imagine why they are feeling the way they do.
Let's say your partner is acting kind of irritable or grouchy and makes a sarcastic remark at you…You can either get defensive, or you can: 1. EMPATHIZE: Literally visualize yourself as them and think about how you would want to be talked to if you were them; and 2. COMMUNICATE: Ask questions. And not, "What is that supposed to mean?" 😘
Of course, this isn't to say you should encourage your SO to act like this, just that, you KNOW them…So give them the benefit of the doubt on how they are acting.
Say "Nobody's Perfect!!" to yourself in your head, and trust me, your relationship will be a million times better off.
And, encourage them to do the same for you!! 😉
Now, I'm saying that the secret to a healthy relationship is communication, but I know that some people just aren't communicators. Either they're not good at communicating in a healthy way without getting defensive or resentful, or they just are not a big talker, so they're not communicating their feelings.
When that's the case, I'm going to get a little cheesy and say it's time for a RELATIONSHIP EXERCISE…
This is something you are going to do monthly. Over the course of the month, be thinking of 10 things you're really happy about and grateful for in your relationship. These things can be nice things the person did that month, or it can be anything that's on your mind.
Then, think of one thing that you would like to IMPROVE, but don't say that in a way that shifts the blame onto them.
"We need to try doing more outdoor activities together," "We need to take the time to sit down with each other and talk about our day," "We need to make sure the landscaping is done in a timely manner."
The main thing is, you have to remember you are approaching everything as a team. You aren't adversaries; you are ALLIES working together to defeat any confrontation or issue that comes about!!
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