Is there a such a thing as “too much too soon”? Well of course there is, but where exactly is that sweet spot?? When it comes to the “rules of dating,” how often should you be seeing this person?
Although I’d like to think of myself as a relationship expert…KIDDING 😉…I’ll leave this one to the career expert — romance coach Samantha Jane from Sydney, Australia.
She says it’s really important to not see each other too often in a new relationship, because the hormones like endorphins and oxytocin are already super high in a new relationship. The honeymoon phase!
So ABIDE by the RULES OF DATING! 😉 Only see them a couple of times a week, because otherwise these hormones can cause infatuation. And if you’re seeing the person too often, chances are you are going to be in a cloud of hormones 24/7.
That means your judgments might be impaired about whether or not they’re REALLY a good person, or whether this relationship is REALLY a good idea. Because you aren’t giving yourself any outside time to think!! If you guys have a lot of sexual and romantic chemistry, and the hormones are on high, you’re more likely to ignore a bad gut feeling or anything negative…and focus maybe a little TOO much on the positive.
But if you follow Samantha Jane’s rules of dating, and you only see them once or twice a week when the relationship is new, then you’re able to step back and get a little bit of time to reflect on the new relationship outside of the hormone cloud!
Plus, Jane says, another reason it’s good to spend some time apart — not only to avoid getting sick of each other, and to make sure you’re still giving enough time to hobbies, family, friends, alone time, career goals, etc. — it’s also a good way to make you guys more excited to see each other next time!!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. However, on the other side of the “rules of dating,” this can definitely be a problem for couples that have been together for a while and both of them are super busy. I’ve definitely heard about med students having that problem, for example. Maybe exams are coming up and you have to neglect your boyfriend or girlfriend to study 12 hours a day.
Now, in this sort of situation, it makes sense to schedule out specific times to see each other. That way both people can be satisfied with the schedule and nobody can say they’re feeling neglected. Because in this situation…let’s say you’ve been together six months, a year, or more…
Or you’re married…You’re out of the honeymoon phase and you have to work harder to keep those romance hormones. The “rules of dating” no longer apply.
Instead, the burning fire has now turned into a warm, comfortable, enduring glow. But that needs to be kindled too, so it doesn’t burn out!
Yes, on the one hand, if you’ve made it past the honeymoon phase, you know your love for them is real and not just infatuation, and that you really care about them as a person. It’s not just all the new hormones. 😉
Past the honeymoon phase, things are more comfortable and relaxed as that person becomes your other half. And you may “care less” in a sense, just because you feel so carefree!
But you want to make sure it doesn’t get TOO comfortable, relaxed, or uncaring!!
So that’s why in new relationships, it’s more important to schedule time apart, so you can think about the relationship when you’re outside the relationship!! But in older relationships, it’s more important to schedule time TOGETHER, because you probably get more than enough time apart already!
Or time together in a way that’s less meaningful, like watching TV while both on your phones, or even something like taking care of the kids. Which is of course really important, but obviously not the same as one-on-one time.
I guess to really simplify it, new relationships equals less date nights, old relationships equals more date nights!!
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